Bad values:
- Pleasure
- Being right (winning!)
- Popularity
- Material success
- Staying positive
Bad values are (per the book), …”superstitious, non reality-based, not immediate or controllable.”
I am re-reading ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” by Mark Manson. That and ‘7 Habits…’ are always good to re-certify on every so often, IMHO.
I think it’s important to clarify that it’s not necessarily wrong, per se, to enjoy pleasure or to be popular. Material success? Meh…sure, enjoy your new car. You only go around once. It’s okay to have some satisfaction in being right. And really, shouldn’t we all try to stay positive?
The problem arises when one of these becomes a cornerstone to our life, a foundational “value” that we used to measure our self-worth. They are not immediate or controllable, they lie outside of us and depend on multiple fickle factors, not the least of which is our own brain. How do you know when you’re popular? How positive do you need to be? When is material success enough (hint: never)? They are goal posts that keep getting moved back.
I kinda puzzled at the other 2 terms he used: superstitious and non-reality based.
“Superstitious” I always took to mean believing in…well, superstitions. A black cat crossing your path is bad luck or throwing salt over your shoulder. It’s actual definition is:
1a: a belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or a false conception of causationb: an irrational abject attitude of mind toward the supernatural, nature, or God resulting from superstition2: a notion maintained despite evidence to the contrary
I suppose in this case we are using “superstitious” to stand in for any reliance on an external, abstract source of validation and/or strength.
A better set of values are ones closer to the metal, the 1’s and 0’s. They are directly sourced from reality and are internal and controllable. I can influence them immediately and fully. They are values that relate to my own internal state and actions. I choose them and I execute the actions to exemplify them. They have inherent value, not just as means to an external end. I think this part is key…it’s the difference between someone who is kind (a good value) and nice (a performative act that is often shallow and self-serving). A good set of values are their own end.